Teh Saviour
by Faeleen Giang Tien
Summary: Starkit is born into ThunderClan. The cats hail her as a hero, but all she brings is havoc. But, one cat is impervious to all the madness. Suddenly, the Saviour for the Clans isn't who they think it is. What's a she-cat to do?


**A/N: Okai, my lovies. I'm back… WITH A PARODY! Of, that's righty folks, our fav. Warriors Badfic! Starkit's Prophecy! Yaaaayyy111!11!**

**(Note the dose of insanity)**

**It's 11:38 PM right now. I'm breaking all the rules in my house, freaking staying up just to get this stupid thing publish.**

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_**Teh Saviour**_

_**Summary: Starkit is born into ThunderClan. The cats hail her as a hero, but all she brings is havoc. But, one cat is impervious to all the madness. Suddenly, the Saviour for the Clans isn't who they think it is. What's a she-cat to do?**_

Chapter One: Cometh the Madness

Logic runs in the Clans.

The four great, great, Clans.

ThunderClan, RiverClan, WindClan, and ShadowClan.

But, one day…

Darkness consumes them all.

By a cat.

Named Starkit.

(…)

She was… Perfect.

That was all.

She had luscious, flowing magenta fur that shimmered like purple fire in the dawn's light. Great, honey-gold stars shimmered on her fur, being a direct Messiah (or so she liked to think) from StarClan.

As the sunlight drifted majestically through the nursery's bramble walls, the light made her rainbow eyes glow as her eyes snapped open.

She yawned, her strawberry-red tongue curling as she revealed pearly white fangs. She stretched, muscles rippling across her body, even though she was barely 6 moons old. She strode out of the nursery, looking much older and mysterious, only by the author's melodramatic standards and descriptions.

Another cat sashayed up to her.

"Hello, sweetie," she cooed. Her tortoiseshell fur seemed imbued with colours like the dawn, reflecting the fiery-reds, soft-purples, and shimmering-golds. She had eyes like the ice of the glacier that glowed in the dawn. "Honey, it's time to get up. Today is an important today, and that totally wasn't a redundant sentence."

"ERMEGERD!" Starkit's eyes glowed and shot rainbow light as she remembered what 'today' was. She ran around camp, howling at the top of her lungs.

Hence, the din woke up our heroine.

"Whuzz goin' on?"

Out of the nursery stepped out a very disgruntled, brindled tortoiseshell she-cat. Her amber eyes were bleary and she squinted in the bright morning sun. Her face was 'split,' the right side having more black fur than fiery-orange. Her four-ringed tail flicked irritably, though she was personally glad she didn't have a ridiculously long description like Starkit's.

Starkit stopped in her tracks, disco light coming to a stop. Some disco-dancing cats grumbled, and went back to their works.

"Hello, Poincianakit!" she chirped. "Today, we're becoming apprentices!"

"Indeed." The other she-cat sashayed up to Poincianakit. "I'm so proud of my pookie-kins," she cooed happily.

"Starkit. Dawnsparkle." Poincianakit acknowledged each respective cat with stiff venom.

"Hello, sweetheart. It's so nice to always talk to you," Dawnsparkle said with a rather condescending smile. She began to move away, herding her precious kit with a sweep of her tail.

Poincianakit glared at the strange family as they moved across camp. With an angry huff, she turned swiftly on her tail to head back into the nursery, but thought better of it. She marched across the camp, knocking over a few warriors. Poincianakit plopped into a spot of sunlight, and dozed.

She was about to fall asleep, until something caught her eye.

In the far corner of camp, Starkit hissed at her mother. With her fur fluffed up, she looked like an angry, neon-purple bird.

"Why not?" she squawked.

"Honey…" Her mother sighed, licking her bottom lip nervously. "You know the Clans don't… like cats like us…"

"I don't see why not!" Starkit spat. "So what if you were a former ShadowClan cat? So what if Jayfeather was my father, breaking both the Medicine Cat code and Warrior Code by having a kit and a mate from outside the Clan?"

Poincianakit's whisker's twitched, amused. She sneaked a glance at the dozing medicine cat. She furrowed her brow.

Since Starkit's arrival, something changed within the Clan. Jayfeather grew more gluttonous each day, picking at his prey and absentmindedly doing his job. Once, he accidentally applied chewed up yarrow on Dovefeather's wound, causing her to give him wounds far worse than her own. And she had a dislocated shoulder, and a huge gash in her underbelly.

Firestar…

She sneaked a glance at her- also- dozing leader.

A strange mist had covered his normally perceptive eyes, and his speech was always slurred. Sometimes, he would blink his eyes and come out of his reverie, but then the mist would return cover his eyes.

Poincianakit sighed, and flopped over on her other side. The Clan had changed in many ways, her mother had told her. She hadn't even known her mother, since her mother was a rogue. Apparently, they had lived in the clan for a short time, until they had to make this… Journey to their current territory. Her mother was one of the unfortunate ones to die of the famine and sickness.

Poincianakit sniffed dejectedly. She hardly knew her mother when her mother died, and yet she knew her mother did love her, since her dying wish was for them to take care of her only daughter.

What was her mother's name? It was like… Like… A flower of some sorts? Rose… That's right, Climbing Rose.

The sun was beginning to get unbearably hot, so she moved into the comfortable confines of a fern bush.

So here she was, an outcast, spawn of a rogue.

As she mulled over in her thoughts, faint bickering wafted from outside the nursery.

Oh, great StarClan.

There was Dawnsparkle and her spawn, still at their spat.

Initially, cats had thought Starkit a curse, born of not one, but both parents forbidden. She had borne the jeering and the snide remarks rather well, and somehow managed to win the Clan over.

_You know… _Poincianakit started that train of thought slowly. _If Starkit wasn't, well, Starkit, I actually might feel bad for her…_

The two abominations of nature continued their filial spat, until Firestar leapt upon the Highrock.

He seemed oddly alert and excited, for some odd reason.

"Let all cats who can catch their own prey gather under the Highrock!" he yowled, voice carrying even to the edges of the camp.

In a few minutes, no less, a mass of cats had gathered over the towering rock.

Firestar cleared his throat, and he commenced the ceremony.

"Poincianakit, Starkit. "

The two kits walked uncertainty up to the Highrock.

Starkit stared adoringly at Firestar and practically bounced up the rock, but Poincianakit threw a loathing look at her enemy and trudged up the rock.

"You both have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Poincianapaw and Starpaw."

He paused, and took a deep breath. "I will mentor Starpaw."

A gasp rippled through the clouds, the crowd's eyes wide with awe.

Poincianakit-no, paw- snorted. Plenty of leaders had mentored apprentices. What's the big deal? Oh, right. She snorted.

Starpaw was just _sooo _special, and _sooo _loved.

But then, a question popped up in her head. Who would mentor her?

After Starpaw's squealing had subsided, and Firestar stared hungrily at her shoulder, Jayfeather awkwardly walked up to the Highrock and perched at the edge. And made an announcement, one that Poincianakit/paw had always wanted to hear.

"Cats of ThunderClan, as you know, I will not be around forever. So it's time I took an apprentice. I have chosen a cat who has shown interest in herbs since she was a kit. Your next medicine cat will be Poincianapaw."

Said newly-appointed medicine cat gawked. Sure, she had always dreamed about being medicine cat apprentice, but she never expected it to actually happen!

Firestar spoke up. "Poincianapaw, do you accept the post of apprentice to Jayfeather?"

"I-I do."

Jayfeather this time continued. "Then at the half-moon, you must travel to the Moonpool to be accepted by StarClan before the other medicine cats."

"The good wishes of all ThunderClan will go with you." Firestar nodded, approving.

The mass of cats had dispersed, sending envious whispers, shocked and awed look at Starpaw who now tromped all over her new mentor and camp like she owned the place.

Jayfeather nodded in her direction, milky blue eyes blank, as usual. "Come with me. I'll show you the den."

Poincianapaw quivered with excitement. She followed her new-found mentor across camp.

A flash of magenta streaked past her, and stood in her path. Starpaw literally _glowed. _She was so ecstatic, the stars on her fur literally emitted gold light. Poincianapaw winced in disgust and pain, since she was disgusted at the abomination of nature everyone loved, and since the light was so bright.

"SUGOI! Poincianapaw, I'm so glad that my daddy got to mentor you!"

What… Did she say? Su… sugoi?! Poincianapaw stared at the other she-cat with ultimate disgust and distain.

Jayfeather stopped his jay-walking (he literally bowled straight into whichever cat came in his way, knocking over the patrols of cat crossing the camp) and turned to his self-proclaimed daughter.

"Daughter," he said slowly. He was soon joined by the sashaying Dawnsparkle (Pity, Poincianapw thought, I had hoped that she would've been crushed by some rock or badger…). "We are very proud of you. We were given a prophecy, and now that you are an apprentice, you are mature enough."

Poincianapaw stared at her once-respected idol with an utter mix of disgust and confusion.

What in the name of StarClan was he talking about? Sure, becoming an apprentice was great and all, but he spoke of it like it was the best privilege that could be bestowed in a person.

"The prophecy is… 'Out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly." He spoke as if it was the most important thing in the world.

Starpaw gasped.

Poincianapaw face-pawed and face-planted, deadpanned at the utter lack of creativity of the prophecy.

What in the name of StarClan, was, well, wrong with StarClan?


End file.
